Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Respect your Mother in Law
आपकी सास का वैवाहिक जीवन मैं बडा important स्थान होता है कवि गौपाल व्यास ने बडे सुन्दर शब्दो मै कहा है
पढ़ते वक्त मुझे बचपन में
अक्सर प्यास लगा करती थी,
और गणित का घंटा आते
शंका खास लगा करती थी।
बड़ा हुआ तो मुझे इश्क के
दौरे पड़ने लगे भंयकर,
हर लड़की की अम्मा मुझको
अपनी सास लगा करती थी।
कसम आपकी सच कहता हूं
मुझको सास बहुत प्यारी है,
जिसने मेरी पत्नी जाई
उस माता की बलिहारी है !
जरा सोचिए, अगर विधाता
जग में सास नहीं उपजाते,
तो हम जैसे पामर प्राणी
बिना विवाह ही रह जाते ।
कहो कहां से मुन्नी आती ?
कहो कहां से मुन्ना आता ?
इस भारत की जनसंख्या में
अपना योगदान रह जाता ।
आधा दर्जन बच्चे कच्चे
अगर न अपना वंश बढ़ाते,
अपना क्या है, नेहरू चाचा
बिना भतीजों के रह जाते।
एक-एक भारतवासी के
पीछे दस-दस भूत न होते,
तो अपने गुलजारी नंदा
भार योजनाओं का ढोते।
क्या फिर बांध बनाए जाते ?
क्या फिर अन्न उगाए जाते ?
कर्जे-पर-कर्जे ले-लेकर
क्या मेहमान बुलाए जाते ?
यह सब हुआ सास के कारण
बीज-रूप है वही भवानी,
सेओ इनको नेता लोगो !
अगर सफलता तुमको पानी।
श्वसुर-प्रिया, सब सुखदाता हैं
भव-भयहारिणि जगदाता हैं
सुजलां सुफलां विख्याता है
सास नहीं, भारत माता है।
'हास्य सागर' से, सन् 1996
पढ़ते वक्त मुझे बचपन में
अक्सर प्यास लगा करती थी,
और गणित का घंटा आते
शंका खास लगा करती थी।
बड़ा हुआ तो मुझे इश्क के
दौरे पड़ने लगे भंयकर,
हर लड़की की अम्मा मुझको
अपनी सास लगा करती थी।
कसम आपकी सच कहता हूं
मुझको सास बहुत प्यारी है,
जिसने मेरी पत्नी जाई
उस माता की बलिहारी है !
जरा सोचिए, अगर विधाता
जग में सास नहीं उपजाते,
तो हम जैसे पामर प्राणी
बिना विवाह ही रह जाते ।
कहो कहां से मुन्नी आती ?
कहो कहां से मुन्ना आता ?
इस भारत की जनसंख्या में
अपना योगदान रह जाता ।
आधा दर्जन बच्चे कच्चे
अगर न अपना वंश बढ़ाते,
अपना क्या है, नेहरू चाचा
बिना भतीजों के रह जाते।
एक-एक भारतवासी के
पीछे दस-दस भूत न होते,
तो अपने गुलजारी नंदा
भार योजनाओं का ढोते।
क्या फिर बांध बनाए जाते ?
क्या फिर अन्न उगाए जाते ?
कर्जे-पर-कर्जे ले-लेकर
क्या मेहमान बुलाए जाते ?
यह सब हुआ सास के कारण
बीज-रूप है वही भवानी,
सेओ इनको नेता लोगो !
अगर सफलता तुमको पानी।
श्वसुर-प्रिया, सब सुखदाता हैं
भव-भयहारिणि जगदाता हैं
सुजलां सुफलां विख्याता है
सास नहीं, भारत माता है।
'हास्य सागर' से, सन् 1996
Thursday, January 19, 2012
पुरुष क्यों हैं महिलाऒ से ज्यादा खुश...... Why men are happier
पुरुष क्यों हैं महिलाऒ से ज्यादा खुश...... Why men are happier
1. आप कभी भी pregnant नही हो सकते हैं.
2. आप एक ही hairstyle सालो या कभी कभी जिन्दगी भर रख सकते हैं.
्3. आपको बस अपने चहरे और गरदन की shaving करना पड़ती हैं ।
4. आपके दोस्त के आपको शादी मैं ना बुलाने पर भी वो आपके दोस्त होते हैं ।
5. फोन पर आपकी बातें औसतन 30 सेकडं मे खत्म हो जाती हैं ।
6. आपका सरनेम हमेशा आपके साथ बना रहता हैं ।
7. आप वाटर पार्ट मे सफ़ेद टी-शर्ट पहन कर जा सकते हैं ।
8. बिना ये सोचे की आपकी टाँगे कैसी लगती हैं आप कभी भी शार्टस् पहन सकते हैं ।
9. पाँच दिनों की छुट्टीयों में सिर्फ एक सुटकेस से आपका काम आराम से चल सकता हैं ।
10. लोग कभी भी बात करते समय आपके सीने की तरफ़ नहीं देखते हैं ।
1. आप कभी भी pregnant नही हो सकते हैं.
2. आप एक ही hairstyle सालो या कभी कभी जिन्दगी भर रख सकते हैं.
्3. आपको बस अपने चहरे और गरदन की shaving करना पड़ती हैं ।
4. आपके दोस्त के आपको शादी मैं ना बुलाने पर भी वो आपके दोस्त होते हैं ।
5. फोन पर आपकी बातें औसतन 30 सेकडं मे खत्म हो जाती हैं ।
6. आपका सरनेम हमेशा आपके साथ बना रहता हैं ।
7. आप वाटर पार्ट मे सफ़ेद टी-शर्ट पहन कर जा सकते हैं ।
8. बिना ये सोचे की आपकी टाँगे कैसी लगती हैं आप कभी भी शार्टस् पहन सकते हैं ।
9. पाँच दिनों की छुट्टीयों में सिर्फ एक सुटकेस से आपका काम आराम से चल सकता हैं ।
10. लोग कभी भी बात करते समय आपके सीने की तरफ़ नहीं देखते हैं ।
Saturday, January 14, 2012
ELEVEN QUALITIES OF A GOOD HUSBAND
Here are Eleven Qualities of a Good husband.
1) Be Pleasant: Nobody likes an arrogant man. Be pleasant to everyone around you including your wife, friends and family. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. It is often heard said that ‘What we give is what we get back.’ Try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you can even if you had a bad day at office or is physically exhausted after driving through the traffic jams. Just because your wife does not go out to work does not mean that her work is less strenuous. She might have been struggling with the children and the housework all day.
2) Respect the Vows: Faithfulness or Loyalty is one of the prime qualities a wife wants in her man. Have a sense of honor and duty.Remember that when you got married you took the sacred vows. The honorable thing is to fulfill the duty to your wife that you took upon yourself the day you got married. It is the duty of a man to provide for his family. Never expect your wife to contribute to the smooth operation of the household. Even in this day and age of women in the workplace, most prefer to have that as an option rather than a necessary part of their lives. Motherhood and caring for a husband and home usually takes priority for her. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you like. You have a family to think about now and their needs must always come before your own.
3) Reliable, Responsible and Supportive: Every Woman wants her partner to be reliable and be there for her when she needs her. Support your wife in all stages of life. Provide reassurance when she is feeling down. Do not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman understand her work pressures and problems. Be proud of her on her accomplishments and do not forget to complement her. Be available for her when she needs a shoulder to cry or when she needs support from you. Let her know that you care for her. When you are not near her at least make a phone call to her even if you talk to her for only a minute or two. When you come back after work or on weekend do things with her or help her in whatever way possible. She would appreciate even if you are not much of help because you are tried to help her. Be a friend to her. When you don’t agree with her views respectfully let know that you don’t agree with reasons.
4) Adaptability and Sensitivity : As years pass on you'll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago does not look the same or behave in the same manner. She may be tied up with the pressures at home like needs of children, financial obligations etc. Allow her time to relax by taking some work off her shoulders or take some time out so that you can spend some time together relaxing. Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and looks to meet them. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect feelings toward your wife. An Ideal Man needs to be sensitive to the requirements of the partner, treat her as an equal, understand when she needs to stay late at work or help with housework and contribute to the expenses.
5)Show Respect: If you expect respect from others you need to treat others with respect too. Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving manner and refrain from speaking harshly. A good husband never chooses to belittle strike, humiliate or otherwise harm his wife in private or in public. It is better to watch what you say and to think your thoughts through before speaking as it is not possible to take back the words once they have been spoken. Treat her with respect in front of others and at home. Do not look at other ladies in front of her. Take in consideration her opinion when making important decisions of the family. If you are bringing your buddies home let her know in advance.
6) Judgment and Emotional Baggage: Many of us have emotional baggage. But do not bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. Many men praise their previous wives, girlfriends or mother in front of their wives. Avoid judging every action or opinion your wife has and understand that she is different from you. Her experiences and likings may be different from you too. Comparing her or making her feel that she does not measure up only would ruin your marriage.
7) Communication: Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Women also expect honesty in men. Honesty is what builds trust in your relationship with your woman. She may even forgive your mistakes but only if you are honest with her and promise not to do it again. Women like their men to be open to them at all times and not keep them in the dark about what is going on in their man’s life. Find time to sit and talk with your wife on a daily basis even if it is during the Dinner time. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your wife then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when she talks. Your wife too wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what's going on in her life. Listen avidly to your wife's
complaints. Woman cannot resist a man who understands her moods, attitude, feelings, values, likes and dislikes. This would encourage her to open up with you and don’t keep secrets. Good Communication helps in building trust and strengthens your relationship. Make your woman laugh often. Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humor.Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on with it and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding her of her faults. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper.
8). Love and Affection: Show your love and affection to her as often as possible. Every woman is a sucker of affection. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it's insincere. A good husband will appreciate his wife and will notice her, even after twenty or fifty years of marriage. She needs you to notice when she gets that new haircut or dresses up in something sexy for you to come home to. If you fail to notice what she is doing for you too many times, she may just count it as fruitless and quit. Gift your Partner something fancy when she least expects it. Surprise her by planning a trip, preparing a nice dinner, giving a bunch of her favorite flowers or taking her out for shopping. Every Woman likes to be pampered. Women, one way or the other, are nothing but over grown babies who constantly need care. But every woman has their likings, give things what she likes instead of forcing your likes on her and show her that you care and would be always there for her. Never forget the special days in her life. Make an effort to initiate spontaneous affection with your wife. Build the companionship by doing things together whether it is a common interest or hobby. Give her a hug or surprise kiss and tell her how much you love her. Hold hands with her when you’re out together. These small gestures show your wife that you’ve thought of her and help you reinforce your commitment to your wife.
9) Offer Protection: A woman need to feel safe and secured with her man. She needs to feel that when he is with her no one can harm her. You don't need to be a muscle man but at least when you are with her others should not be making a pass at her. She wants her man to behave like a man and treat her like a lady when she is with you.
10) Give her Space: As a Husband you need to understand that your wife has a life other than you also. She has her Parents, friends and colleagues who too are part of her life. She also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if he wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or want to spend some time with her parents.
11) Keep her happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Good Sex helps tostrengthen your emotional and physical attraction to her. Please your wife in bed and be faithful to her. No woman would tolerate a cheating partner. Good sex plays a vital part when it comes to a satisfying relationship and if you are not skilled in bed that is going to be a major turn off. Never grumble about having to support children you didn't want to have. If you were irresponsible enough to help her get pregnant, then it is your duty to pay for that child.Do not bring porn into a relationship. Porn will only create unrealistic expectations in your mind about your spouse’s libido, body, and comfort level with weird sex positions.
In short, if you don't like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior. If you are an ideal husband, that will help your wife to be an ideal wife. A wife usually responds to the way that she is treated. If she is treated like she is worthless, she will be worthless to you. But, if you treat her well, she will be a jewel in your crown, a pleasure to you and a forever blessing.
1) Be Pleasant: Nobody likes an arrogant man. Be pleasant to everyone around you including your wife, friends and family. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. It is often heard said that ‘What we give is what we get back.’ Try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you can even if you had a bad day at office or is physically exhausted after driving through the traffic jams. Just because your wife does not go out to work does not mean that her work is less strenuous. She might have been struggling with the children and the housework all day.
2) Respect the Vows: Faithfulness or Loyalty is one of the prime qualities a wife wants in her man. Have a sense of honor and duty.Remember that when you got married you took the sacred vows. The honorable thing is to fulfill the duty to your wife that you took upon yourself the day you got married. It is the duty of a man to provide for his family. Never expect your wife to contribute to the smooth operation of the household. Even in this day and age of women in the workplace, most prefer to have that as an option rather than a necessary part of their lives. Motherhood and caring for a husband and home usually takes priority for her. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you like. You have a family to think about now and their needs must always come before your own.
3) Reliable, Responsible and Supportive: Every Woman wants her partner to be reliable and be there for her when she needs her. Support your wife in all stages of life. Provide reassurance when she is feeling down. Do not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman understand her work pressures and problems. Be proud of her on her accomplishments and do not forget to complement her. Be available for her when she needs a shoulder to cry or when she needs support from you. Let her know that you care for her. When you are not near her at least make a phone call to her even if you talk to her for only a minute or two. When you come back after work or on weekend do things with her or help her in whatever way possible. She would appreciate even if you are not much of help because you are tried to help her. Be a friend to her. When you don’t agree with her views respectfully let know that you don’t agree with reasons.
4) Adaptability and Sensitivity : As years pass on you'll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago does not look the same or behave in the same manner. She may be tied up with the pressures at home like needs of children, financial obligations etc. Allow her time to relax by taking some work off her shoulders or take some time out so that you can spend some time together relaxing. Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and looks to meet them. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect feelings toward your wife. An Ideal Man needs to be sensitive to the requirements of the partner, treat her as an equal, understand when she needs to stay late at work or help with housework and contribute to the expenses.
5)Show Respect: If you expect respect from others you need to treat others with respect too. Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving manner and refrain from speaking harshly. A good husband never chooses to belittle strike, humiliate or otherwise harm his wife in private or in public. It is better to watch what you say and to think your thoughts through before speaking as it is not possible to take back the words once they have been spoken. Treat her with respect in front of others and at home. Do not look at other ladies in front of her. Take in consideration her opinion when making important decisions of the family. If you are bringing your buddies home let her know in advance.
6) Judgment and Emotional Baggage: Many of us have emotional baggage. But do not bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. Many men praise their previous wives, girlfriends or mother in front of their wives. Avoid judging every action or opinion your wife has and understand that she is different from you. Her experiences and likings may be different from you too. Comparing her or making her feel that she does not measure up only would ruin your marriage.
7) Communication: Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Women also expect honesty in men. Honesty is what builds trust in your relationship with your woman. She may even forgive your mistakes but only if you are honest with her and promise not to do it again. Women like their men to be open to them at all times and not keep them in the dark about what is going on in their man’s life. Find time to sit and talk with your wife on a daily basis even if it is during the Dinner time. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your wife then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when she talks. Your wife too wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what's going on in her life. Listen avidly to your wife's
complaints. Woman cannot resist a man who understands her moods, attitude, feelings, values, likes and dislikes. This would encourage her to open up with you and don’t keep secrets. Good Communication helps in building trust and strengthens your relationship. Make your woman laugh often. Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humor.Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on with it and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding her of her faults. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper.
8). Love and Affection: Show your love and affection to her as often as possible. Every woman is a sucker of affection. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it's insincere. A good husband will appreciate his wife and will notice her, even after twenty or fifty years of marriage. She needs you to notice when she gets that new haircut or dresses up in something sexy for you to come home to. If you fail to notice what she is doing for you too many times, she may just count it as fruitless and quit. Gift your Partner something fancy when she least expects it. Surprise her by planning a trip, preparing a nice dinner, giving a bunch of her favorite flowers or taking her out for shopping. Every Woman likes to be pampered. Women, one way or the other, are nothing but over grown babies who constantly need care. But every woman has their likings, give things what she likes instead of forcing your likes on her and show her that you care and would be always there for her. Never forget the special days in her life. Make an effort to initiate spontaneous affection with your wife. Build the companionship by doing things together whether it is a common interest or hobby. Give her a hug or surprise kiss and tell her how much you love her. Hold hands with her when you’re out together. These small gestures show your wife that you’ve thought of her and help you reinforce your commitment to your wife.
9) Offer Protection: A woman need to feel safe and secured with her man. She needs to feel that when he is with her no one can harm her. You don't need to be a muscle man but at least when you are with her others should not be making a pass at her. She wants her man to behave like a man and treat her like a lady when she is with you.
10) Give her Space: As a Husband you need to understand that your wife has a life other than you also. She has her Parents, friends and colleagues who too are part of her life. She also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if he wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or want to spend some time with her parents.
11) Keep her happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Good Sex helps tostrengthen your emotional and physical attraction to her. Please your wife in bed and be faithful to her. No woman would tolerate a cheating partner. Good sex plays a vital part when it comes to a satisfying relationship and if you are not skilled in bed that is going to be a major turn off. Never grumble about having to support children you didn't want to have. If you were irresponsible enough to help her get pregnant, then it is your duty to pay for that child.Do not bring porn into a relationship. Porn will only create unrealistic expectations in your mind about your spouse’s libido, body, and comfort level with weird sex positions.
In short, if you don't like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior. If you are an ideal husband, that will help your wife to be an ideal wife. A wife usually responds to the way that she is treated. If she is treated like she is worthless, she will be worthless to you. But, if you treat her well, she will be a jewel in your crown, a pleasure to you and a forever blessing.
Friday, January 13, 2012
SIXTEEN WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR WIFE..
Source :- http://www.ehow.com/how_4750829_please-wife-sixteen-ways.html
1. Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house.
2. Make the last thing you say to your wife when leaving the home something that is kind.
3. Go to bed at the same tie as she does.
4. Brush her hair while complimenting her eyes and appearance.
5. When she's studying herself in the mirror, tell her, "You are so beautiful".
6. Evict late-night television from your bedroom.
7. During mid-afternoon, call or send her an email to ask how her day's going.
8. Try your hand at making breakfast on Satruday morning.
9. Put gas in her car, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows.
10. Write her a short love letter. list several ways she haas blessed you this year.
11. Resurrect common courtesies: Hold the door open, offer her your arm.
12. Put the toilet seat down.
13. If you hear her engaged in a tough situation compliment the way she handled it.
14.When you're together in a crowd, find a way to brag on her.
15. Help her put the kids to bed.
16. Pray with her every day. Every DAY!
Tips & Warnings
Be careful when doing these things for your wife, she may become suspicious that something is up!
If this sounds like hard work, or it is out of character for the kind of guy you are . . do it anyway the change will do you both good.
Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (NIV)
Article source: FamilyLife, Moments with you. (flannounce@familylive.com)
Related Articles & Videos
MEN AND WOMEN SUBTLE DIFFERENCE
Men vs. Women
Subtle differences.
Part I
source:- funny 2 .com
Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.
Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
Sex:
Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.
Maturity:
Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.
Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
Magazines:
Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.
Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
Bathrooms:
Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.
Shoes:
Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.
Subtle differences.
Part I
source:- funny 2 .com
Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.
Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
Sex:
Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.
Maturity:
Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.
Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
Magazines:
Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.
Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
Bathrooms:
Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.
Shoes:
Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Dont argue..
Conversation:
Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."
Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Its important to know your wife
What women want in a man at age 25:
1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What women want in a man at age 35:
1. Nice looking (preferably with hair) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What women want in a man at age 45:
1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine) 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends
What women want in a man at age 55:
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends
What women want in a man at age 65:
1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What women want in a man at age 75:
1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet
1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What women want in a man at age 35:
1. Nice looking (preferably with hair) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What women want in a man at age 45:
1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine) 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends
What women want in a man at age 55:
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends
What women want in a man at age 65:
1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What women want in a man at age 75:
1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)